Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Loving who I am In the moment I am in now

You know the feeling you get when you're looking through Facebook and you happen to come along someone you went to high school with who you didn't particularly like, or people who didn't even know you existed? For me this happens all the time. You find someone and end up stalking their page and a half hour later you find yourself thinking about what it would have been like to be their friend because they look like super sweet people, people who you could talk to, people who you could hang out with. 

To give you a little background I hated high school, I mean really HATED it. I had some good times, and met good people don't  get me wrong. What I'm saying is, if I could go back and change it I totally would. I wouldn't change situations, I would change me. I was so emotionally not there that it ruined my whole experience, I did that to myself. 

I chose to be that person, ya I wasn't the prettiest girl in school, And was in no shape to be a cheerleader, I didn't stick up for myself, which led me into a self inflicted  depression. 

I could have chose not to listen to those who made fun of my weight, spit on me, and talked behind my back. But most importantly I could have chose to be happy, to not judge others that judged me, to say something to the person who spit on me and called me fat. I could have been a better friend to those who did love and care about me in those times where I thought I was alone. 

I got so lost in thinking about everything that was wrong with me and comparing myself to those who I thought had perfect lives that I didn't love and appreciate what I could have had. 

If I could tell my younger self anything, I would tell her to love herself, to take advantage of these fun years, to live every day trying to serve others, and to love all those around her no matter what kind of person they are. 

I said earlier that I would change myself not the situations, and that is because those situations led me to where I am now and I don't know what I would do without my wonderful husband and beautiful kids. They are seriously worth the effort and I mean that in the best possible way. I am a better person because of them. I want to be better and do everything I can to love and teach them all I know and more. 

I hope that if you got anything from this that you love who you are in the moment you are in now. Before you know it another 5,6,10 years will go by and you are still stewing in the past wishing you were this person or that. It's not worth it. I definitely still have a problem with this, but it's something I really want to work on this year; loving who I am in the moment I'm in now. 

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